Statalia: Utah's Special Day
by Father of Understanding
Summary: I'm not good with summaries. Basically, happy Pioneer Day!


**This is just a Statalia one shot I developed that has no real plot and probably doesn't make all that much sense. Honestly, I just needed to get my mind off of my bird who recently died. Fluff and angst tends to help that. Whatever. I only own my OCs. I don't own Hetalia, America, or my face.**

 **All the foreign language used is Navajo, with the exception of a few words.**

* * *

 **Name: Micco (northern Paiute name for "chief"), Joseph Caro-Jones ("May Jehovah add" "Beloved" - "John's son")**

 **Age: 15**

 **Physical appearance: 5' 11"; thick, disheveled charcoal hair; light caramel skin with thin scars nearly everywhere (some from the Utah Wars, some from federal government against the Native Americans, some from the Mexican-American War, some from having fun outside); sharp, pale blue eyes; gangly, lanky frame; black birthmark over his heart representing the Great Salt Lake; milk white skin on his right pectoral for the Salt Flats; lines of copper skin on his back for the Rockies; deep, dipping scars on his left leg just above the ankle because of Mountain Meadow Massacre; overall, he has a plain look, but it's also rustic and charming and, just like the landscape, some aspects are more striking than others**

 **Personality: determined/stubborn; brave; smart; unwavering; sarcastic; compassionate; peculiar sense of humor; ambiverted**

* * *

 _Another, year, another Pioneer Day* forgotten._ Joseph bemoaned. _I guess I can't blame them. They barely even remember my birthday. Why would they remember this?_

Joseph sighed sadly and absent mindedly rubbed his chest, reclining on an overstuffed La-Z-Boy chair. Wasatch was acting up again, the stupid fault line sending tiny stabs of pain through the state's center and giving him symptoms similar to asthma; it was over a century overdue for a massive earthquake, but that didn't mean it wasn't causing him trouble. Massaging the area was the only thing he could really do to alleviate the pain.

Well, that wasn't true necessarily, but his other methods weren't readily available. He was out of Ibuprofen (residing only a state from a place with legalized marijuana wasn't fun, especially when said state insisted on trying to serenade you with AC/DC at two in the morning, did that to you - "I'm Iron Man, Joseph!" - "No, Nancy, you're high." - "Because I can fly, mi amor." - "How d'you even get this address? I have a restraining order against you.") and his only mode of transportation had a busted radiator that he promised that he'd fix soon, he had lent his heating pad to Flora for reasons involving moon blood**, Calli was busy with a photo shoot - not that she paid much attention to him, anyway; no one did -, and he was, frankly, too stubborn to ask for help from Ataa', despite the elder's experience with this kind of thing.

Overall, he was having a very bad holiday.

 _Don't think like that. There are still plenty of things I can do. Like . . . watch t.v., which I invented! Oh, and there's computer chess as well! Not to mention I still need to defeat Alduin in Skyrim. Plus, I know the Johnsons got a bunch of fireworks* just for today! Of course, there is one thing I need to do first._

Joseph pulled out his phone, tapped the screen a few times, and scrolled through his list of contacts until he found the one he was looking for. He selected EXTERMINATE*** and held the device to his ear.

RING! RING! RI - "Riley Jones speaking."

"Yá'át'ééh, Rye."

An annoyed, manly groan, barely distorted by the speakers, reached Joseph's ears. "What do you want?"

"What's the worst part of having multiple wives?"

A mumbled "not this again" preceded an annoyed "WHAT?"

"Multiple mother-in-laws." ****

"I hate you so much."

"Love ya, too, shi ánaaí. Náá'ahideeltsééh!" Joseph tapped the End Call button, chuckling to himself. _The phone call killed a good five minutes, leaving only ten hours, eight minutes, and forty-one seconds until ten thirty. If I (re)tell the joke to the other states, and Ataa', D.C., Puerto Rico, NMI, U.S. Virgin Islands, and American Samoa, that would take 270 minutes, or four and a half hours, making it five hours, thirty-eight minutes, and twenty-nine seconds before the explosions._

 _Wow. I'm bored enough to do the math to figure all that out. Someone help me._

The ache in his chest spiked to a full stabbing sensation. Joseph hissed through his teeth, dropping everything and using both hands to try and sooth the cramps. It took a few minutes, but the hurt eventually subsided to a nearly nonexistent level, allowing the 121 year old boy to stop and think. It really wouldn't be the end of the world if he called Ataa'. Sure, he was probably busy, but he'd help one of his children, right? Then again, Joseph was more Navajo and Ute's child than he was America's, bloodwise at least.

Besides, there was another reason the state was determined to keep this problem to himself, if only for a little while longer.

"Meow!"

Joseph started. He'd been so lost in though that he failed to notice the medium-sized cat approach him. She was a very deep russet color with a pale gray spot covering half her chest. Even if he couldn't sense her identity, the distinguishing pattern marked her as his very heart, his capital. Salt Lake. ***** "Yá'át'ééh, girl." He cooed, lifting her up and onto his lap. "Ya having a happy birthday?"

Salt Lake didn't respond verbally as she was a cat. Instead, she purred softly, kneading her paws on his chest affectionately. Joseph smiled. "I'll take that as a yes then."

The phone, the phone is ringing!

At the sound of the odd ringtone, Joseph grabbed the phone and checked the Caller ID. Ni-ma-si Hádí illuminated the screen. He pressed the Answer button and started stroking Salt Lake's fur. "What's up, Ida?"

"Na' 'uch, Joe." His sister's alto voice was muffled, almost like she was eating. "Just eating mashed potatoes."

Of course. "So . . . why'd ya call me then?"

Ida - technically it was Cassy, but Joseph just stuck with Ida - audibly swallowed before continuing, "First off, happy Pioneer Day, bro. Tell Salty I say 'happy birthday' as well."

"Duly noted."

"Second, you left something rather important at the family barbeque on the fourth. Any guess what 't is?"

"My scriptures?" _Heaven knows our family needs them. Especially New York, and California, and Nevada. . . . I thought I raised Nathan better!_ ******

"Nope!"

"Box Elder?"

"No!"

"You?"

"Not even close!"

Joseph rolled his eyes. "Ha'át'íísh biniinaa shi? What?"

"Your diary, silly! Honestly, I'm more confused about why - "

Joseph ignored Ida in favor of using the alternative curse word library he had built up in case of such an emergency. Once he had finished his rant, he pinched the bridge of his nose between two callused fingers. "You mean to say that my journal" - he was careful to enunciate the word - "has been sitting around, unguarded, with our siblings?"

"Yes, but - "

"And all of said siblings know about it, correct?"

"Except Florida, but P - "

"I'm a dead man." Joseph moaned, letting his hand flop of Salt Lake's back like a dead fish. "Nathan and Riley know all my secrets now. I might as well bury myself in the local cemetery and save myself the trouble of being embarrassed by those two."

Ida's laugh resembled a bell, even across the miles through a phone. "Don'tcha worry, bro. I confiscated it before they could get t'eir hands on it. Pa'll be swinging by to return it. He'll be t'ere in 'n hour o' so."

Joseph's face paled. "What? Why him? You're closer to me than he is. You can just drive over or something. 'Sides," he added desperately, "you love the moun'ins."

"I can't leave on such short notice." Ida reasoned. "The potatoes need be. 'Sides, Pa can get there faster than I can." She paused and asked a question, her tone serious. "Ya ain't still mad 'bout t'at, are ya?"

No answer.

"Ya're gonna have ta get over t'is some day, ya know. Ya can't stay mad forever."

No answer.

"Pa's still comin'. He's also bringing a peace offering. Play nice and don' scare Pa."

"I'm older than you."

"Not when it comes ta statehood, baby bro. Love ya!" Click.

* * *

Joseph decided to watch t.v.. Utah, Wasatch, San Juan, and Carbon gathered around him, essentially proclaiming him Cat Prince (everyone knew Greece was Cat King). He was watching a documentary on the history of the holiday when the dreaded moment came.

RIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Perhaps if I ignore it, it'll go away.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Ataa' will leave soon. I'm sure of it.

RIIIIIING! RING! RING, RING, RING RING RING RING!

"I'm coming! Hold your horses." Joseph called, setting Salt Lake down on the ground with her fellow counties before standing up. He arched his back, satisfied with the single "POP" that came from his vertebrae, and strode over to the cream colored door.

He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

Joseph thought he'd seen it all on the Fourth. Ataa' always went all-out for the holidays he thought of as important, Pioneer Day not among them. He dressed up and brought a bunch of food/other appropriate items for the occasion. It was actually rather endearing. As of now, Ataa' was covered in unlit sparklers and patriotic fairy lights, his clothing that of a 19th century farmer. A ridiculously large, fake moustache obscured his mouth, giving him the look of a con man. His arms were full of different types of fireworks, piled up to a good yard over his head, and a small, leather book clutched in his left hand. (Joseph snatched the book immediately.) Overall, Ataa' strongly resembled a salesman from the late 1800s trying to sell illegal entertainment. "Joseph!"

"At -"

"Don't you worry, dude! The Hero is here! May I come in?"

"Id -"

"Great!" The elder teen somehow managed to work his way inside, despite being shorter than the state and holding at least 150 lbs worth of fireworks. Perhaps Freedom and Patriotism gave him the ability to teleport or something. "Where do you want me to put these?"

Joseph closed the door, running a hand through his inky black locks. "I guess the living room floor is as good a - "

Ataa' gracefully dropped his load, considerate enough to keep it on the hardwood rather than risk contaminating the carpet. Davis, the only county who had approached the nation, jumped back a bit at the resounding thud. Ataa' noticed and immediately started showering the - unusually extraverted - creature in attention, calling him many odd names. With the overgrown child thoroughly distracted, Joseph settled back in his chair, folding his hands over his stomach. The "don't think about it" strategy could still work in his favor.

Naturally, Ataa' leaned over the back of the chair, resting his left elbow on Joseph's right shoulder. "What on Earth are you watching?"

Joseph shrugged, accidentally knocking the arm off. "Nothing." Almost immediately after, the sounds of a mob came from the t.v., which was displaying pictures if Haun's Mill.

"That doesn't look or sound like nothing."

"If you really want to know, it's a documentary about that time the people I would soon protect were driven out of the United States and fled here, thus creating Pioneer Day."

"You lied to me. That is something." When Joseph didn't reply, the nation pressed on, "Dude, you do know that I'm sorry, right?"

Joseph raised an eyebrow. "Even though you have no need to be? Yes, I'm aware of that. As horrible as it sounds, I'm glad all of it happened because I wouldn't have been born and be able to join our really messed up family if it hadn't."

"Then why are you - ?"

"I'm upset because you wouldn't let my people live in peace after they left the fricking country. You stole their land - again - and made them live in terror. Did you know they really believed that you were going to send an army in to wipe them out? Not to mention the Utah Wars and polygamy." Joseph scoffed. "So much for 'freedom of religion'."

Ataa' scratched his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"To be perfectly frank, I never thought you cared," Joseph answered. "I've always been the state version of India: not forgettable, but not the most memorable place in the world, and known for a particular religion on top of that. I'm pretty sure I'm not on your list of Top 55 Children - that's including D.C. and the territories -, all I'm really good for is the revenue I pull in from my national and state parks, and I hear you and the others making fun of my people, culture, bipolar climate, and religion more than you'd expect." He quickly added, "I'm fine with the way things are now, though. Ida and I are doing well, Ishmael ******* and Riley apologized and we became friends, and people love my place."

Ataa' patted Carbon on his fluffy, gray head. "I do care. You're my son, and I love you."

"Technically, I'm a mix of a brother and nephew. Not to mention that I don't swing that way."

"The point is, you're family, and I love you like a real father." Ataa' rested his free hand on Joseph's hair. "I felt all that pain, too. Words cannot describe how truly sorry I am about everything, but I promise you that I'll do everything I can to make you feel welcome."

Joseph sighed, a smirk lifting a corner of his mouth. "How long have you and Ida been planning this?"

"Since last Halloween."

"You two need a life. Now, can you do me a favor and here some Ibuprofen? Preferably while in that getup."

"I can do that."

"Before you go . . . do you know the worst part about multiple wives?"

* * *

That night, the only thing to be set on fire were fireworks. And Ataa's hair, but that was an accident. Really.

* * *

Have a happy 24th, or Pioneer Day.

* * *

 **Yá'át'ééh - greeting**

 **Ataa' - father**

 **Shi ánaaí - my brother**

 **Náá'ahideeltsééh - farewell**

 **Ni-ma-si Hádí - Potatoes Sister**

 **Ha'át'íísh biniinaa shi - why me**

* * *

* Pioneer Day is a holiday celebrated in Utah (my state, if you can't tell). On July 24, 1847, Brigham Young led the first group of LDS (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) pioneers into the Salt Lake valley, where he said the famous words, "This is the place". We blow things up to celebrate it and we have barbeques to consume food and it's just wonderful!

** This is what I call periods. Don't judge me! *curls up into little ball with a white flag*

*** EXTERMINATE is a reference to two things. The first one is Doctor Who. The second is the Extermination Order Governor Boggs unleashed upon the early members of the LDS faith, saying that they had become dangerous and must either be driven out of Missouri or exterminated. That order actually was around until June 25, 1976, in which the governor at the time repealed the act. It didn't last so long because they hated the LDS people, though; they simply forgot about it. (And, NO, Utah isn't planning on exterminating his brother. He's not a Dalek. Yet. . . .)

**** This is a joke from a movie called Ephraim's Rescue. I'd imagine Utah would have seen it a billion times since it's release. He'd also probably quote that joke because most things tend to be better in hindsight.

***** I have a theory that the different counties have representation, too, but they aren't big enough to be humans. I originally planned for Utah to name his guns after all the counties (instead he does the county seat), but I made them all cats. The reason they don't really appear is because, well, they're cats.

****** Nathan is Nevada. Nevada and Utah used to be the same territory called Deseret. They broke for quite a few reasons, but I think that one was because Nevada wanted to fight for the Union during the Civil War and Deseret was a slave territory. (There were barely even any slaves in Deseret, anyway. It's Mormonville, after all.)

******* Ishmael = Illinois


End file.
